All My Friends

When I die, I know what song I want to play at my funeral.  

It’s “All My Friends” by LCD Soundsystem.  I know this won’t be for everyone, but it’s perfect for me, as it symbolizes and embodies what my life is all about.  This song is a lot of things, but at the heart of this song, it’s meaning to me, is a star-shooting beacon; a cacophonous conjuring of memories that dance like wild roman candles shooting off in the darkest night sky, harmoniously celebrating every individual who I love most in my life.  All my friends.

This past week, as I reflected on the question, “what is the happiest event that happened this week?”  I wrote:

Experiencing the magnitude and gratitude of/for a brotherhood of amazing friends and bonds.

Here’s what I experienced from all my friends:  authentic laughter and joy, unconditional support, unconditional love, other-level loyalty, the power of kindness, non-judgmental listening, as well as  the acceptance and openness of possibility and trust.

I am a truly blessed man and individual to have experienced all of these feeling and qualities that were freely shared with me, in just this past week alone.

I share this not to gloat, but to inspire hope and possibility in others who don’t have this or believe it is possible for them.  And also to express my gratitude for those who love and support me, day in and day out

Because eight years ago, I believed I wasn’t worthy or capable of such a relationship(s).  I was completely broken, fearful, selfish and both spiritually and socially bankrupt. Not only that, I had not a single idea of how to be in any kind of loving or supportive relationship whatsoever.  

For I tried to extinguish love and connection entirely from life, isolating and drinking my life away.  I tried to be better than love; to become independent entirely of love. I pushed everyone and anyone who wanted to love and connect with me, away.  But in the end, luckily and gratefully, the power of love persisted and conquered my die-hard efforts. In fact, the very thing I tried to run out of my life, was the very thing that saved me.  

It was love that saved me.  Love, sobered me up. And helps keeps me sober to this day.   Love is the greatest teacher that exists, and I hope that when people look back on my life, they can say, “Nick lived every day from a place of love, hope and possibility, no matter what.”

But here’s the secret, which really isn’t a secret at all, I can’t do it alone.  I won’t ever again, do it alone. I need love. I need other people. I need all my friends to serve as guides of love, hope and possibility to teach me what I need, to grow and be the best “me” I can be.  

And just as much as I need them, they need me.  I am just as vital to their faith and hope, whether we all realize it or not.  I believe we are connected for a reason and that connection is to remind each other that our love, hope and possibility are intrinsically bound up with others.  

We rely on each other; we inspire each other; we support and learn from one another—or, on the other hand, discourage or weaken each other. The great fact is, someone somewhere is dependent on us for encouragement, inspiration, help, whether in word or by example.

If you are reading this, I strongly encourage you to take a moment and express (in word or action) your love and gratitude to someone you love, someone you are connected to (intimate partner, relative, friend, coach, mentor).

Or if this is something that is missing from your life, that’s okay.  Trust me when I say, you don’t have do it alone. Look for others in these following ways:

  • Stick with the people who have something you want  

  • Seek out communities that share in doing what you love and/or share common values

  • Shoot me a message and we can talk

We can’t do it alone.  I trust, with all my heart, that by my living this way, it won’t let me down, and it won’t let others down.  Love as if your life depends on it, because it does, to you and those your care about most.

With Kindness,

Nick K